Thursday, October 11, 2012

My strange addiction?

Last week's post was about a serious, emotional, very real thing I'm dealing with right now. So where do you go from there? I don't think a fart story is an appropriate follow up to a post like that. It has taken me over a week to come up with a funny, entertaining follow up to that. Instead, this is what you get.

I'd like to talk about another serious, very real thing I'm dealing with. Addiction.

I'm not talking about drug addiction, or sex addiction, or even cigarettes, although I'm familiar with fighting that battle. I'm talking about drinks. Wait, no. That didn't come out right. I'm not an alcoholic. I'm talking about juice. No... not that. I'm not on steroids. I'm talking about soft drinks. Expensive designer soft drinks.

What? You think that's not a real problem? Ask my husband what he thinks about it. Have you ever been in a Whole Foods?

meat, anyone?
Let me start out by explaining that I am a marketer's dream. I once drove to the grocery store at 11:00 at night in a blizzard after seeing a commercial for Creme Savers Pudding. (It's just as gross as you think it is.) I don't even really like pudding, so I have no idea why I did it. I will buy something because it has a cool package. I will buy something because some celebrity is endorsing it.

I'm actually pretty cheap when it comes to most things. I don't really buy expensive clothes. I buy myself a new purse maybe once a year from the dollar store when my old one is falling apart enough that it starts to embarrass me. I think spending more than $30 on a pair of shoes is crazy.Why, then, do I see no problem with paying $5 for a bottle of plain, unsweetened iced tea? I don't have the answer.

A few months ago, I was checking out at the grocery store, when I noticed one of the drinks in my cart rang up as $11. ELEVEN AMERICAN DOLLARS! For juice. An outrage, right? Well, I had the cashier void it off right away, because what kind of idiot would pay $11 for a little bottle of juice?

I left the store, but it was still bugging me. Why was the juice $11? I pushed it out of my mind, but the next day, there it was again. What was in the juice that justified that price tag? Was it magic juice? Maybe there was gold in it. But I would never know, because $11 is just too much money to spend on a drink that doesn't have any booze in it. Isn't it?

Weeks passed, I moved on to other things, and the crazy juice eventually stopped haunting me. Until the next time I found myself standing in the grocery store staring at it. And this time? I caved. I bought $11 juice simply because the price tag was $11. No other reason. Maybe the shape bottle had a little bit to do with it  but it was mostly a nagging need to judge for myself if the juice was actually worth the price tag. But don't you feel like your drink tastes a little better when it comes out of a square bottle? No? Just me? Ok.

So there I was, sitting in my car with my magical beverage, deciding whether I should crack it open right away, or save it for a time that I could really sit and think about what I was drinking and calculate how much each sip cost. I couldn't wait anymore, so I opened it. I calculated the first sip at $0.87.

It was kinda disgusting. I should tell you now that it was white cashew vanilla cinnamon agave. Does that even sound appetizing to you? Also, wouldn't a logical person maybe figure that you could buy all these ingredients and somehow squeeze them into a juice for like 1/16 of the price? We're not talking about a logical person right now though.

ooooooh, it's local!
It was a weird experience. I still can't believe I bought the dumb juice. And now that I know it wasn't that great, I totally learned my lesson and will not allow myself to be tricked by crafty juices ever again. Especially not last week, when I was at the store and the apple carrot beet lemon ginger juice was sitting there all healthy and fresh, just begging me to take it home and drink it.

Okay fine. I paid $11 for juice not once, but TWICE in my life. And I think I might do it again! I might have a problem.

1 comment:

  1. Ha they suggest for a body cleanse you should drink 6 of those juices a day (perhaps the $5 ones not $11 but...) I considered it. I feel sad that I even considered it.


let's get awkward!