Sunday, April 20, 2014

Thoughts I Had at the Town-Sponsored Easter Egg Hunt

"Yay! An egg hunt! A FREE egg hunt! Reliving my childhood through my kid is my favorite thing!"

"I wonder why my parents never took me to any of these egg hunts when I was a kid?"

"Oh... I didn't realize this was a formal affair. I guess I should have maybe changed out of my pajamas. Everybody is really dressed up here! Oops. At least I brushed my teeth."

"Wow, look at all those eggs! Kid A is going to love this!"

"Holy shit that Easter Bunny is creepy looking."

"Better get Kid to the front of this crowd so he doesn't get trampled by all these bigger kids."

*whistle blows*

"RUN!!!!!!! RUN!" FUCKING RUN! GO! GOOOOOOOOOOOO! DAMNIT, YOU'RE NOT RUNNING FAST ENOUGH! PICK UP AN EGG!"

"Hmmm. I think I might have just tripped someone's kid."

"Definitely elbowed a kid."
 
"Is anybody watching me? I look like a friggin idiot."

*2 minutes and 11 seconds after the whistle blows.....

"My poor kid got zero eggs. Not one."

"Ooooh! That kid isn't looking, maybe I can just take one of her eggs. She'll never know."

"Eh, the mom's watching me. I'd better not."

"Let's just stop at the store and get some candy on the way home."

"NEVER. AGAIN."

Kid A, dressed like a slob, not caring that he didn't get any eggs



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let's get awkward!